NOW it's the Second-Longest Homer of 2019

I think it's officially a trend. Once spring and summer roll around, I seem to become a one-post-per-month sort of guy. What have I been up to in all that time? The weather has been pretty nice, so I've been spending a good deal of time outdoors. And some of that outdoors time involves watching live baseball at Coors Field.

Since my previous post exactly a month ago, I've been to four Rockies games, all of which they won. The first one was a freezing cold night where it rained and dipped into the low 40s. The rest were much more pleasant, and I saw some long home runs. My friend and I went to see the Cubbies in mid-June, and Ian Desmond drilled one 486 feet onto the left field concourse as a pinch hitter that night.

Speaking of the Cubs, you really should watch the clip of Cookie Monster doing the 7th Inning Stretch at Wrigley today.

Anyway, I've seen lots of huge home runs in the thin Denver air over the years, including some by Trevor Story. But that one from Desmond was just unbelievable. My initial guess from way on the other side of the stadium was 470', but even that underestimated it.

I decided that an occasion like that warranted my first Topps NOW purchase of the year, the subject of this one-card post.

2019 Topps NOW #357 Ian Desmond /146

Check out that power stroke. The current school of thought around the launch angle is very well represented on this card. And at the time, it was the longest home run in baseball this season. However, it didn't take long for someone to eclipse it, which Nomar Mazara did less than a week ago. His moonshot went 505 feet, far into the upper deck in Globe Life Park, home of the Rangers. More than a few fans didn't expect to see a baseball come that far up the seats.

I don't remember exactly which day this arrived in the mail, but Topps NOW might not have been quick enough to get this card to me before the record was smashed. Overall, the 2019 NOW design is pretty similar to years past, but they do a good job with the product. Of all the times I intended to purchase a Topps NOW card, they've never failed to create the card I had in mind. They are pricey, but I really do enjoy having a memento from a game I actually attended.

And if we're being honest, they're not much more expensive than a hot dog.

A Package of Whack

Even though my first exposure to Topps Wacky Packages came just a couple months ago, this product first hit the market way back in 1967. In case you are unfamiliar, they are parody cards in sticker format, and they poke quite a bit of fun at the baseball world. Best I can describe it is if Mad Magazine got into the card business. Topps (wisely) inserted a few of them in 2016 Baseball packs, which is how I finally learned of their existence. I got a couple from Ain't Nobody Got Time for Cardboard, but earlier this month, my girlfriend stopped by Target and bought two packs for me.

2016 Wacky Packages MLB #16 Cubs Honey

This set is filled to the brim with puns, and certainly puts a smile on my face. This squeeze bottle of honey with a Cubs logo (get it?) is great for helping "get your pitchers out of sticky situations". While this is of course a parody, it has more than a grain of truth to it, as pitchers have used all sorts of foreign substances to help get a better grip on the ball for nearly as long as baseball has been a sport. Sunscreen is a favorite these days, especially since it has legitimate uses on the field, unlike, say, a squeeze bear of honey.

2016 Wacky Packages MLB #7 Blue Jays Bird Bath Sports Drink

If you want to achieve "Beak" Performance, be sure to try out this flavor of Gatorade. Yes, we all know that's supposed to be a Gatorade bottle. I'm pretty good with logos and trademarks. I can almost always discern the make and model of a car, or even something like a computer monitor, when they blur out or cover up the logos on various reality TV shows. Personally, I've never had blue Gatorade (or Gatorade at all, for that matter), but we sold a lot of it at the Conoco station where I worked when I was 16.

Of course, I never saw a bottle with an actual bird inside.

2016 Wacky Packages MLB #10 Braves Cutlery Set

It's a bit of a crude method of food preparation, but if you ever need to chop a baseball in half or "carve up the competition", why use a cleaver when you can instead use an official Braves tomahawk? Millions of Braves fans have the motion down perfectly, though I can't say whether the annoying chant would improve your results.

This reminds me a bit of the Samurai Delicatessen, one of the John Belushi's great skits from the early days of Saturday Night Live.

2016 Wacky Packages MLB #20 Dodgers Sushi

Speaking of Japanese cuisine, what better than a little 9-piece serving of sushi? Because that's how the Dodgers "California Roll".

Yeah, some of these puns are better than others.

I'm not sure if I'd go for ballpark sushi, but getting little baseball bats as chopsticks might seal the deal. I'd just have to forgo a beer or two, because when a sixty-cent hot dog goes for six bucks, I can easily see ballpark prices for something like this being well into the $20 range.

2016 Wacky Packages MLB #22 Giants Magic Beans

Using honey is obviously breaking the rules, but climbing a sturdy plant to field a ball is much more vague. The rules say that a fielder must have "one or both feet on or over the playing surface" to legally make a catch, but if these magic beans grow quickly enough and can germinate in the outfield grass, then such a catch may not truly be illegal. After all, they're magic! And according to the fairy tale, there are real giants at the top of that beanstalk!

There's a bit of truth to this one too, as groundskeepers once discovered hundreds of marijuana plants growing in the outfield at Anaheim Stadium following a concert by The Who in 1976. Apparently, fans with on-field seating scattered seeds all over the outfield, and no one noticed anything was amiss until just before the season began.

Thanks, Reddit!

2016 Wacky Packages MLB Red Seam #83 Nacho High Cheese

I personally prefer the term "chin music" for a high and tight fastball, or simply "high heat", but apparently "High Cheese" also describes such a pitch. I'd never heard that phrase before, but if it can give us another food pun, then I have no problem with it.

These Red Seam parallels don't seem to be on the sell sheet or checklist, but here they are nonetheless. The base cards just have a white background, but we can always count on Topps to make a bunch of parallels, even ones that aren't advertised.

Longtime fans of David Letterman may vaguely remember a baseball joke they used to do many years ago called "Ball, Get Out Of My Nachos!" Biff Henderson, the stage assistant they brought on the air once in a while, was shown sitting in a crowd eating nachos, when a baseball suddenly landed on his plate. Rather than keep the souvenir, he'd shout, "Ball, get out of my nachos!" and fling the ball back on the field.

Can you tell I'm a fan of late-night comedy shows?

Nachos also happen to be my girlfriend's favorite ballpark snack, so the fact that this card dropped out of a pack she bought me is quite appropriate. And the use of high cheese one card after a marijuana reference was a complete accident. Though in Colorado, you never know. Next time you visit friends in this state, double check with the host before you munch on a brownie.

2016 Wacky Packages MLB Red Seam #75 Charlotte Stone Crabs Cakes

A few minor league teams made it into this set, including the Charlotte Stone Crabs and Asheville Tourists, though the Yard Goats were left out. The Stone Crabs are an affiliate of the Tampa Bay Rays, so there is definitely some sea creature lineage in that organization. I'd probably avoid cellophane-wrapped crab cakes even more so than ballpark sushi, although these seem to be a pair of actual crabs stuffed inside the package, with a little Hostess Cupcakes icing on top.

Rather unappealing to my palate, but the "Pinch Hitters" pun might be the best in the whole pack.

2016 Wacky Packages MLB #76 Toledo Mud Hens Hen Sanitizer

Surely it hasn't escaped your notice that everything I've shown so far is in some way related to food. That's true for most of the set overall, and might have continued on for the whole post if not for this one. The Toledo Mud Hens, the AAA affiliate of the Detroit Tigers, happened to be my team name for my second (and final) year of little league. If I stayed in one more season I'd have been old enough to get on a team with a Major League name, but even in my little league days, I didn't make it out of the minors.

Interestingly, I finally decided to look up what a mud hen is, and it turns out it's a duck-like bird called a Coot. And with this handy hen sanitizer, the birds can be cleaned up regularly, although a true pitcher would look at this and just see another foreign substance to experiment with.

2016 Wacky Packages MLB #87 Salty Pretzel

This last one was my favorite, and yes, it's food-themed. A soft pretzel with a bit of mustard sauce is an excellent snack (my mouth is watering as I write this), and another great option for ballpark food. This "salty" pretzel looks to be quite unhappy, with angry eyes and everything. He even has "a chip of salt on his shoulder".

I'm no expert in slang, but I've heard "salty" quite frequently in the past year or so to describe someone who is upset or agitated. Really, go look at Twitter. I'd say it's 50/50 whether someone is describing actual food with it. And for Topps to tie both meanings together shows a fair bit of genius, I'd say.

As an aside, if you enjoy salted pretzels, or salty snacks in general, you ought to go find a salt bagel. They can be a bit tough to come by, and are typically firmer than soft pretzels, but are well worth trying. It's like the salt equivalent of sugar crystals on a cookie.

Thanks for reading! Now I need to go find something to eat.

A Less Exclusive Club

I've been adding to my vintage collection a bit lately, but don't for a moment think that I'm abandoning current cards.

Stadium Club's resurrection is back in force for a second year, and now available in convenient pack form at your local big box retailer. Last year, the high rollers in this hobby didn't think it stacked up to the overpriced insanity of Museum Collection and the like, so Topps must have figured that it wasn't quite appropriate as a hobby-store-only product.

So I tossed a pack into my red handbasket and ended up with a dozen cards of full-bleed awesomeness.

2015 Stadium Club #12 Giancarlo Stanton

They feel a little thicker than last year, and the subtle lightening under the nameplate reminds me a bit of Flair. And the top-notch photography just can't be beat. I can't quite tell who's behind the plate, absorbing pitches as Stanton bides his time to crush a monster home run. But it's a great example of an all-dirt "Tatooine" card, and we get a pretty good look at how the batters box and infield can be watered differently.

Stanton seems surprisingly forward in the batter's box, and if he tried to swing here, he definitely checked it.

2015 Stadium Club #88 Chris Davis

There were quite a few horizontal cards in this pack, but the vertical ones are typically more plentiful anytime there's a mixture. That holds true for 2015 Stadium Club, and let's be honest, Chris Davis' forearm is pretty much the focal point here. The steroid era may be over, but it still takes plenty of strength to lead the Majors in home runs. Of course, that happens the year after I picked him in fantasy baseball.

2015 Stadium Club #136 Reggie Jackson

I do enjoy seeing retired legends appear in the base set (as long as it's not in flagship), and Reggie rounds out a trio of HR-hitting stars. Though Davis and Stanton are both quite young, they have a long way to go before they match Jackson's 563 career dingers.

Jackson is probably most well-known among casual fans for his performance in the 1977 World Series, but as this card points out, he had quite a successful run in Oakland before donning the pinstripes.

2015 Stadium Club #35 Ryne Sandberg

Sandberg, on the other hand, was a Cubbie almost his entire career, at least until he returned to Philadelphia to manage the team that drafted him. I've seen this card on many blogs, and it's a favorite of mine, too. The sharpness of modern printing does blow me away from time to time, as the texture of Ryno's jersey and the stains on his hat almost pop off the cardboard.

2015 Stadium Club Legends Die Cut #LDC-04 Willie Mays

If you remember the hobby box of 2014 Stadium Club I bought, then you'll recall that I pulled a Willie Mays insert from one of the mini-boxes that year too. Between the card above, last year's Field Access card, and a serial-numbered rarity from Topps High Tek, I've been having awesome luck pulling Mays cards the past year or so.

Die-cut cards are hit or miss for me. Topps Chrome has been going way overboard in recent years, but this Mays is just about my speed. And the color-coding across this insert set is great, especially this copper-colored Giants card.

2015 Stadium Club #13 Ernie Banks

It's not every day that President Obama drapes a Presidential Medal of Freedom around your neck. Like Mays and of course Jackie Robinson, Banks was one of the first African-American players in the MLB. Despite the obvious challenges that remain in this country, a baseball card depicting America's first black president awarding a medal to an early black baseball player many years his senior is a positive and inspirational image, reminding us of how far we've come, yet also how far we have to go.

Other than the obvious Sammy Sosa, Banks is second all-time in Cubs home runs, so his baseball career is nothing to sneeze at, either. Unfortunately for both him and Ryno, neither ever competed in a World Series, but after the recent passing of Mr. Banks, this would be the perfect year for the Cubs to change that.

Your 2015 Lucky Numbers: The Hitters

We're about three weeks into the 2015 season, and my fantasy baseball team, the Lucky Numbers, have worked their way to a 2-0 record so far. Unfortunately, last year was a bust. I drafted lots of underperformers like Chris Davis, Matt Cain, and Billy Butler, and my prospects like Taijuan Walker didn't pan out.

It's unlikely that I'll pick up a win this week in my head-to-head CBS points league, but it's definitely time to present my team to the world via baseball cards.

2014 Topps #393 Devin Mesoraco

Catcher: Devin Mesoraco, Cincinnati Reds (8th round)

Mesoraco has been a disappointment already. He only played a few games before injuring his hip. He's an integral piece to the Cincinnati team, but for some reason, they refuse to place him on the DL. He hasn't played since early April, and I had to pick up Wilson Ramos of Washington to fill the catcher slot while Mesoraco is riding the pine. I feel like he slipped a bit in the draft, so I hope he'll return to action sooner rather than later.

2013 Finest X-Fractors #23 Adrian Gonzalez

First Baseman: Adrian Gonzalez, Los Angeles Dodgers (4th round)

Adrian Gonzalez was on fire in week 1, smashing five home runs for 71 points. He's cooled off a bit since then, but is still second overall among hitters.

Like the Arenado card I showed a few days ago, this is an X-Fractor, which has lots of little squares and diamonds in the background pattern. If I had to pick one such design to keep in a shiny Topps set, it would be X-Fractors.

2014 Stadium Club #136 Jason Kipnis

Second Baseman: Jason Kipnis, Cleveland Indians (9th round)

Kipnis has gotten off to a bit of a slow start, but the season is still young and there's plenty of ebb and flow, unless you're Clayton Kershaw.

2014 Stadium Club Beam Team #BT-13 Manny Machado

Third Baseman: Manny Machado, Baltimore Orioles (13th round)

Machado hit two home runs on Thursday, which is always nice to see. It also presents the opportunity to show off two consecutive cards from the terrific 2014 Stadium Club. I am not a fan of Manny Machado at all, but he can contribute to a fantasy squad. Longtime readers of this blog (or anyone that's been to a Rockies game with me this year) know that I'd pick Nolan Arenado over Manny Machado any day.

Arenado, in fact, got on base in the bottom of the 9th on Wednesday, and scored the winning run when Daniel Descalso hit it over five infielders into left-center. That was the perfect ending to a game I watched with some coworkers from a Super Suite at Coors Field. If you ever have a chance to watch a ballgame (or any sporting event, really) from a suite, take it. Lots of good food and snacks, a mini-fridge full of beer and soda, two TVs (which we tuned to hockey playoffs), and plenty of seating inside and out. You can even open a beer past the 7th inning.

2013 Topps Archives #177 Starlin Castro

Shortstop: Starlin Castro, Chicago Cubs (12th round)

I bought into the Cubs hype this year, as you'll see later. I waited a bit long to fill the left side of my infield, but if the Cubbies are as good as everyone says they'll be this year, having one (or two) on my team isn't a bad idea. My team is fairly NL-Central heavy, though with no Brewers.

2014 Topps Opening Day Breaking Out #BO-14 Andrew McCutchen

Outfielder: Andrew McCutchen, Pittsburgh Pirates (1st round)

You've probably been wondering who my first pick was. Well, here he is. I had 4th pick this year, so after the obvious choices of Trout, Kershaw, and Stanton were selected, I had to pick between McCutchen and Miguel Cabrera. Miggy isn't far removed from the first Triple Crown season in decades, but the now dreadlock-free McCutchen seemed like a slightly better choice this year. The Pirates just keep getting better and better, and the Tigers seem to be on a bit of a downswing, especially when you look at their rotation.

2013 Topps Triple Threads #90 Matt Kemp

Outfielder: Matt Kemp, San Diego Padres (6th round)

This is the first card that doesn't depict the correct team. Kemp was one of many interesting acquisitions by the Padres this offseason, along with James Shields, Wil Myers, Justin Upton, and even Will Middlebrooks. They, along with the Rockies and Dodgers, each have 10 wins so far in the NL West. It's great to see the Rockies up there, as is typical early in the season, but the wheels usually start to come off around the All-Star break. Here's hoping they stay healthy.

2014 Topps #99 Melky Cabrera

Outfielder: Melky Cabrera, Chicago White Sox (10th round)

Though he's not the "M. Cabrera" you most want on your fantasy team, Melky should be an adequate option. He delivered a game-winning RBI earlier this week, and managed to avoid getting caught in the middle of the Adam Eaton/Yordano Ventura brawl.

Here's a fun statistic: A third of ejections this season have been Royals.

2015 Topps Opening Day #25 Jorge Soler (RC)

Designated Hitter: Jorge Soler, Chicago Cubs (11th round)

You pretty much have to own at least one of these Cubs prospects. Bryant, Soler, Alcantara (who was sent down to AAA), Russell, Baez. There's a very real possibility that one of these "next years" very soon will finally be The Year. Soler already has two home runs under his belt, and the Cubs are in second place behind their division rivals, the Cardinals.

2014 Topps #46 Kolten Wong

Bench Guys:
2B Kolten Wong, St. Louis Cardinals (17th round)
3B Josh Harrison, Pittsburgh Pirates (16th round)
OF Yasmany Tomas, Arizona Diamondbacks (19th round)

I focused a bit more on pitching and prospects this year than on the aging veterans that tend to start popping up in the later rounds. Cuban prospect Yasmany Tomas appeared in his first game a couple days ago, so if the D-Backs see fit to spend $68 million and ease him into the MLB, I can pick him in the 19th round instead of, say, Ryan Howard.

I took some real risks this year, but at least some of them should pay off. Mesoraco was injured when I drafted him and has been out for close to two weeks. Machado is a fragile player. The Cubs could turn into the Cubs at any moment. Tomas had yet to appear in an MLB game. And just wait until you see the pitchers.